1 00:00:23,487 --> 00:00:25,955 Are you all standing up... 2 00:00:26,087 --> 00:00:32,083 then we sing hymn 264. 3 00:00:35,967 --> 00:00:37,764 Please? 4 00:00:38,847 --> 00:00:42,123 84 then, that's a nice tune too. 5 00:00:42,247 --> 00:00:45,364 106 then, you always like them. 6 00:00:46,727 --> 00:00:51,278 Okay then, two verses 46 and then home. 7 00:00:51,407 --> 00:00:53,523 One verse? 8 00:00:54,727 --> 00:00:57,719 Will someone please sing something? 9 00:01:09,887 --> 00:01:14,039 Yep, there it is: At Last The 1948 Show... 10 00:01:14,167 --> 00:01:18,604 as always announced by the lovely Aimi Macdonald. 11 00:01:26,767 --> 00:01:32,399 Hello, everyone. Elderly, young people, happy people, sad people... 12 00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:38,159 happy and sad people, people with nails through their bodies... 13 00:01:38,287 --> 00:01:41,245 But first a sketch. 14 00:01:50,887 --> 00:01:56,245 Get out. If you don't pay, I'll just make you go crazy. 15 00:01:57,407 --> 00:02:01,559 All those morons... Oh, good evening. 16 00:02:01,687 --> 00:02:06,522 I had to get in here. -Great, I'm Dr. Gilbert. 17 00:02:06,647 --> 00:02:09,684 My name is Gibbon Posture. 18 00:02:12,127 --> 00:02:16,166 Oh, sorry. Do you wet the bed? -Excuse me? 19 00:02:16,287 --> 00:02:18,403 Do you wet the bed? -When I... 20 00:02:18,527 --> 00:02:23,601 Just sit on the chair, you never know. 21 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:29,563 So you are impressed that you are Kenneth Wolstonholme? 22 00:02:29,687 --> 00:02:32,724 Do you think you are Kenneth Wolstonholme? 23 00:02:32,847 --> 00:02:39,685 I already have five of them, and I can't tell them apart. 24 00:02:39,807 --> 00:02:45,962 Why Kenneth Wolstonholme? Well, you're either crazy or not. 25 00:02:46,087 --> 00:02:49,397 Your name? -Gibbon attitude. 26 00:02:51,167 --> 00:02:54,842 Possibly as crazy as hell. 27 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:59,916 Tell me what's bothering you, doesn't matter if it's very private. 28 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:05,838 Feel free to tell me anything, of course it remains between us. 29 00:03:05,967 --> 00:03:12,076 This morning I had Tony Sullivan, he works around the corner here. 30 00:03:12,207 --> 00:03:17,486 He sat on top of that cupboard the whole time, the swans were chasing him. 31 00:03:17,607 --> 00:03:23,796 I have or do have pictures of it now leave it on the golf club? 32 00:03:25,007 --> 00:03:28,602 Where had I gone? -It stayed between us. 33 00:03:28,727 --> 00:03:33,323 What are the problems? -It's a bit embarrassing. 34 00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:37,884 I never talk about it because then I will be laughed at. 35 00:03:39,127 --> 00:03:45,965 I don't know how to explain it. -Is it that late already? Oh well, carry on. 36 00:03:46,087 --> 00:03:49,921 Sometimes I feel... -Go on. 37 00:03:51,007 --> 00:03:53,999 Then I think... 38 00:03:55,927 --> 00:03:57,406 Branch woman. 39 00:03:57,527 --> 00:04:02,203 Sorry, you said? Just relax, for God's sake. 40 00:04:02,327 --> 00:04:07,765 I have it often these days when i meet a girl... 41 00:04:07,887 --> 00:04:12,324 Mr Biddecombe is panicking. Can he come over at six o'clock? 42 00:04:12,447 --> 00:04:16,998 Certainly not, he can go to hell. I'll report him later. 43 00:04:17,127 --> 00:04:22,963 Pervert. Always attract attention, he can get a spanking. 44 00:04:23,087 --> 00:04:24,520 Sorry, continue. 45 00:04:24,647 --> 00:04:30,677 I meet sometimes these days girls through work and at parties. 46 00:04:30,807 --> 00:04:34,561 But I don't dare tell them... 47 00:04:34,687 --> 00:04:37,963 Come on, don't care about the turn the hot knit around. 48 00:04:38,087 --> 00:04:42,478 Sometimes I think... -Five guineas an hour, and still nothing. 49 00:04:42,607 --> 00:04:49,126 What is it now? All that mumbling, no sensible word comes out. 50 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:55,561 You're just as stressed as the other one crazy people The same nonsense over and over again. 51 00:04:55,687 --> 00:04:59,362 It's so boring, It drives me crazy. 52 00:04:59,487 --> 00:05:04,163 Can you please help me now? explain clearly once... 53 00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:06,960 what's going on? 54 00:05:07,087 --> 00:05:09,760 I think I'm a rabbit. 55 00:05:10,927 --> 00:05:15,717 retarded fool, of course you're not a rabbit. 56 00:05:15,847 --> 00:05:19,522 Rabbits have them anyway those long ears? 57 00:05:19,647 --> 00:05:22,002 They just fell off. 58 00:05:22,127 --> 00:05:27,360 If you say that one more time If you're a rabbit, you get a wattle. 59 00:05:27,487 --> 00:05:32,356 I am a dog. -Great, we'll continue next week. 60 00:05:53,847 --> 00:05:57,601 While I was playing that tune... 61 00:05:57,727 --> 00:06:00,799 45 children were born in China. 62 00:06:01,927 --> 00:06:04,885 And now the children in India. 63 00:06:24,327 --> 00:06:25,806 Inside. 64 00:06:26,847 --> 00:06:32,604 Would you like tea? -No, I just want to talk to you. 65 00:06:32,727 --> 00:06:38,279 You've been bringing tea here for years, so you will be surprised... 66 00:06:38,407 --> 00:06:41,160 that I am the boss of the secret service. 67 00:06:41,287 --> 00:06:47,157 No, it's on the door. -We'll keep that between ourselves for now. 68 00:06:47,287 --> 00:06:52,236 I want you ask for a small favor. 69 00:06:52,367 --> 00:06:56,326 I would like you to sets the Kremlin on fire. 70 00:06:56,447 --> 00:07:01,601 In Moscow? -Do you know any other Kremlin? 71 00:07:01,727 --> 00:07:05,003 Isn't that why you have spies? 72 00:07:05,127 --> 00:07:08,437 What should I say to that now? 73 00:07:08,567 --> 00:07:10,000 No. 74 00:07:10,127 --> 00:07:14,996 We had a lot of them, but they are a bit dead. 75 00:07:15,127 --> 00:07:19,837 That's why I selected you. Great class, good work. 76 00:07:19,967 --> 00:07:24,563 Of course you get a pair cans of paraffin. 77 00:07:24,687 --> 00:07:27,724 And the matches... 78 00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:32,079 They have that in Moscow too. -I have a box with me. 79 00:07:32,207 --> 00:07:37,964 Very good. I clearly have picked the right man. 80 00:07:38,087 --> 00:07:43,115 A man with matches. Well, good luck then. 81 00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:46,403 How do I get to Moscow? 82 00:07:46,527 --> 00:07:52,602 You say something like that, I didn't think of that. Gut, I'm so sorry about that. 83 00:07:52,727 --> 00:07:57,278 We'll drop you from an airplane. -On a parachute? 84 00:07:57,407 --> 00:08:02,720 No, but there is a trampoline ready for you. I hope. 85 00:08:02,847 --> 00:08:06,681 Moscow is located on the sea... -I'm afraid not. 86 00:08:06,807 --> 00:08:10,436 This is an old map, but that doesn't matter. 87 00:08:10,567 --> 00:08:15,197 You leave here, then you will fly over Gaul... 88 00:08:15,327 --> 00:08:20,765 and you will be just north dropped from the Holy Roman Empire. 89 00:08:20,887 --> 00:08:25,005 In St. Petersburg, present-day Moscow. Still by the sea. 90 00:08:25,127 --> 00:08:29,439 So then, let's get started. Good luck with that. 91 00:08:29,567 --> 00:08:33,003 Shouldn't I have a fake passport? 92 00:08:33,127 --> 00:08:38,724 Of course, very sharp. That's stuck in the filing cabinet. 93 00:08:38,847 --> 00:08:41,566 In the folder with the V. 94 00:08:43,807 --> 00:08:46,640 Strange, there's nothing there. -And with the P? 95 00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:49,361 What do you mean? -The P for passport. 96 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,398 Very smart. 97 00:08:53,887 --> 00:09:00,281 Weird, there's a rabbit in it. -Apparently lost. 98 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:03,240 It's a hare so it goes with the H. 99 00:09:05,447 --> 00:09:08,439 The H has also been updated again. 100 00:09:08,567 --> 00:09:12,082 One passport, in name by Stephanopoulos. 101 00:09:12,207 --> 00:09:17,804 That's a Greek passport. -Is that so? Just wait a minute. 102 00:09:20,607 --> 00:09:23,360 Russian passport. So squeaky clean. 103 00:09:23,487 --> 00:09:29,676 Let's take a look at that photo. Agree a little, and have a laugh. 104 00:09:31,367 --> 00:09:35,076 Just that scar and that wart. 105 00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:39,200 So, you can get started. A lot of... 106 00:09:39,327 --> 00:09:43,639 Almost forgot. Can you fight? -Well, not really. 107 00:09:43,767 --> 00:09:46,076 Tompkins? 108 00:09:46,207 --> 00:09:52,123 Give this gentleman a break see fighting techniques. Something with a knife. 109 00:09:52,247 --> 00:09:57,321 Please. And now you need me to get it out of the way. 110 00:09:57,447 --> 00:10:01,645 Is that really necessary? -Come on, do your best. 111 00:10:06,567 --> 00:10:11,436 Was that okay? -Completely fine. Too bad, Tompkins. 112 00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:15,879 And then your equipment. Let's see. 113 00:10:16,007 --> 00:10:18,726 Do you know what this is? -A watch. 114 00:10:18,847 --> 00:10:22,556 Nice. Do you know how it works? -I think so. 115 00:10:22,687 --> 00:10:27,317 Even better. And what is this? -That's the same watch. 116 00:10:27,447 --> 00:10:31,042 Indeed. But shockproof. 117 00:10:31,167 --> 00:10:34,716 Panties. See, not shocked at all. 118 00:10:34,847 --> 00:10:37,839 Please. What do we say then? -Thank you. 119 00:10:37,967 --> 00:10:40,845 A pen, to be upside down to write. 120 00:10:40,967 --> 00:10:44,801 And a plate, upside down to write down. 121 00:10:44,927 --> 00:10:47,600 And this too. -What's that for? 122 00:10:47,727 --> 00:10:52,755 That brings luck. Good luck, don't forget your paraffin. 123 00:10:52,887 --> 00:10:57,836 One more question. What happens if I die? 124 00:10:57,967 --> 00:11:01,846 Don't panic, Mrs. Tompkins can also make tea. 125 00:11:01,967 --> 00:11:04,162 Actually, I'm very nice. 126 00:11:06,087 --> 00:11:10,524 That posse is hot on our heels. We have to get out of here. 127 00:11:10,647 --> 00:11:15,960 Along Dead Man's Belly on that side, through the Corpse Gorge there... 128 00:11:16,087 --> 00:11:21,286 over the Knekelberg, through the Gallows Valley to Massacre Rock. 129 00:11:21,407 --> 00:11:25,082 No, we're taking the scenic route. 130 00:11:30,447 --> 00:11:33,803 Everyone sings sometimes when he's down. 131 00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:38,796 At least I do. This song always makes me happy. 132 00:11:38,927 --> 00:11:41,361 It is dedicated to me. 133 00:11:43,847 --> 00:11:48,125 I love the lovely one Aimi McDonald 134 00:11:59,647 --> 00:12:02,445 And now all. One, two, three... 135 00:12:18,207 --> 00:12:20,198 Hey, that was fun. 136 00:12:29,047 --> 00:12:34,280 This morning we discuss the purchase of a new tiger. 137 00:12:34,407 --> 00:12:38,764 At three o'clock the giraffe keeper, so after that it is possible. 138 00:12:38,887 --> 00:12:42,357 The reptile keeper would like to speak to you too. 139 00:12:42,487 --> 00:12:45,445 It just has to be just bring him in. 140 00:12:50,527 --> 00:12:54,998 Come on, put it down. 141 00:12:58,007 --> 00:13:02,762 Watch out for that tail, that is a very expensive hose. 142 00:13:02,887 --> 00:13:04,764 So good? -Sure. 143 00:13:11,127 --> 00:13:14,961 Good morning, Lotterbie. -I'm terribly sorry. 144 00:13:17,447 --> 00:13:20,644 This is already the fourth time this week. 145 00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:24,043 And take off your hat when you speak to me. 146 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:33,562 How could this happen again? -He's got a taste for it. 147 00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:36,884 I'm tired of it. -I don't do it on purpose. 148 00:13:37,007 --> 00:13:41,159 Stop it, you're hanging there just a little round. 149 00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:43,403 Then you don't have to work. 150 00:13:43,527 --> 00:13:49,363 If you want an afternoon off, climb into the boa constrictor. 151 00:13:49,487 --> 00:13:54,641 I think he likes me. -Shut up, Lotterbie. 152 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:58,680 You can't get rid of it that easily. -What did you say? 153 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:04,165 You can't get rid of it that easily. -Don't wake him. 154 00:14:04,287 --> 00:14:07,802 I won't take it anymore. -I'm sorry. 155 00:14:07,927 --> 00:14:12,921 That's not why I do it. Such an operation is an expensive joke. 156 00:14:13,047 --> 00:14:16,437 Can't you put a zipper in it? 157 00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:20,958 Buttons then? Or laces? Horrible... 158 00:14:21,087 --> 00:14:26,957 I saw it clearly, Lotterbie. -No sir, I counted to two. 159 00:14:27,087 --> 00:14:31,160 It's been beautiful, we're not going to operate. 160 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:34,677 We just leave nature takes its course. 161 00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:39,519 But that takes years. -Nice. 162 00:14:39,647 --> 00:14:43,037 That hurts the snake. -That's what you come up with now. 163 00:14:43,167 --> 00:14:46,284 What do I eat then? -Second-hand mice. 164 00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:51,720 Just put him back in his cage. -I'm really, really sorry. 165 00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:57,046 If you're good for a few months, I'll send your wife in. 166 00:14:57,167 --> 00:15:00,876 I would be very grateful. 167 00:15:01,007 --> 00:15:04,716 Actually, I'm just a good guy. 168 00:15:04,847 --> 00:15:08,396 Bring it on that hippo keeper. 169 00:15:14,607 --> 00:15:18,122 Now you should Listen carefully, Simpkins... 170 00:15:27,847 --> 00:15:30,919 Good evening. I ask for your attention again... 171 00:15:31,047 --> 00:15:35,677 for Make The Lovely Aimi Macdonald National Fund. 172 00:15:35,807 --> 00:15:41,120 Unfortunately the result falls quite disappointing so far. 173 00:15:41,247 --> 00:15:45,035 Come on England that must be possible better. 174 00:15:45,167 --> 00:15:48,842 Now if all of you transfer one pound... 175 00:15:48,967 --> 00:15:52,118 I can spend hours wallow in luxury. 176 00:15:52,247 --> 00:15:57,765 Don't be so mean, give generously for this good cause. 177 00:15:58,847 --> 00:16:03,159 I'll tell you next week who has not donated anything yet. 178 00:16:03,287 --> 00:16:06,199 Thanks, and good luck. 179 00:16:11,407 --> 00:16:17,357 Hello there. Every week we introduce a new dance in this program. 180 00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:20,843 Tonight we're doing the Accountant. 181 00:16:20,967 --> 00:16:26,280 The steps are demonstrated by the dancing accountant... 182 00:16:26,407 --> 00:16:29,956 Mr Arthur S. Wezel, certified accountant. 183 00:16:30,967 --> 00:16:34,596 We have already explained how to do the Twist. 184 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:39,721 Kicking a butt while you dry yourself. 185 00:16:39,847 --> 00:16:45,843 And only the Frug, just do it as if your feet are cast in concrete. 186 00:16:45,967 --> 00:16:50,961 Tonight we do the Accountant, not for the beginners. 187 00:16:51,087 --> 00:16:53,920 Away with that carpet, here we go. 188 00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:58,916 You are an accountant and you're standing in the subway. 189 00:16:59,047 --> 00:17:04,121 There's a beautiful girl standing next to you, but you feel watched... 190 00:17:04,247 --> 00:17:07,045 so you try for attention to distract. 191 00:17:07,167 --> 00:17:12,685 leather looks elsewhere, time for the second pass. 192 00:17:12,807 --> 00:17:18,518 We repeat that up to Liverpool Street. 193 00:17:18,647 --> 00:17:22,799 We use it in the office the new counting machine. 194 00:17:22,927 --> 00:17:26,078 Take the piece of paper and pin it down. 195 00:17:26,207 --> 00:17:29,244 You want tea, so you clap your hands. 196 00:17:29,367 --> 00:17:33,246 The phone rings, you have to pick it up. 197 00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:37,838 Do we have that? Okay, we'll do it again. 198 00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:44,840 The next pass: the accountant on holiday. 199 00:17:44,967 --> 00:17:50,644 You are on the beach in Torquay and you take off your wet swim trunks. 200 00:17:52,847 --> 00:17:56,522 But suddenly someone arrives. 201 00:17:56,647 --> 00:18:01,277 You're going to the Isle of Wight and you are slightly seasick. 202 00:18:01,407 --> 00:18:04,604 Which railing are you going to throw up on? 203 00:18:05,927 --> 00:18:12,765 The financial year is coming to an end and all items are neatly in order. 204 00:18:12,887 --> 00:18:19,201 And then back again to the metro. This is how we do the Accountant. 205 00:18:19,327 --> 00:18:23,320 Do we have that? Mr. Weasel does it one more time. 206 00:18:23,447 --> 00:18:26,996 We do the Accountant. 207 00:18:55,207 --> 00:18:57,641 Thank you, very kind. 208 00:18:57,767 --> 00:19:03,876 Whatever you think about accountants, we have a great sense of rhythm. 209 00:19:15,527 --> 00:19:18,724 This is the last episode... 210 00:19:18,847 --> 00:19:25,559 and I want to thank all the guys to whom I owe this success. 211 00:19:25,687 --> 00:19:31,922 In particular Tim Huppeldepup-Taylor, Marty What's his name, Chapman Thing... 212 00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:34,561 and the tall one with the stubble. 213 00:19:34,687 --> 00:19:40,922 Glad they kept you busy for a while while I changed. 214 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:44,801 Still, I want one person put in the spotlight. 215 00:19:44,927 --> 00:19:49,557 The shining center from the Aimi Macdonald Show. 216 00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:54,761 Unfortunately, she wants it out of modesty are not mentioned by name. 217 00:19:54,887 --> 00:19:57,720 We're talking about me, of course. 218 00:19:57,847 --> 00:20:00,759 A round of applause for me please. 219 00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:11,765 I really didn't deserve this. Thank you very much. 220 00:20:13,407 --> 00:20:18,640 What a nice surprise. Isn't it beautiful? 221 00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:25,400 But I ordered roses, right? Well, until next time. Day. 222 00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:38,719 That's fine with it. Not bad at all. 223 00:20:38,847 --> 00:20:42,237 There's nothing like a good glass of wine. 224 00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:45,757 You're absolutely right about that. 225 00:20:45,887 --> 00:20:51,359 Who would have thought 40 years ago that we would now be drinking wine? 226 00:20:51,487 --> 00:20:55,162 We were happy then with a cup of tea. 227 00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:58,836 Cold tea. -No milk, no sugar. 228 00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:00,958 No tea. 229 00:21:01,087 --> 00:21:03,043 And in a cup with a crack. 230 00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:08,287 We had no cups, we drank it from a rolled up newspaper. 231 00:21:08,407 --> 00:21:11,843 We got no further then a wet rag. 232 00:21:11,967 --> 00:21:15,357 But we were happy, even though we were poor. 233 00:21:15,487 --> 00:21:20,686 That's why. My father always said: Money doesn't buy happiness. 234 00:21:20,807 --> 00:21:23,799 He was right. And we had nothing. 235 00:21:23,927 --> 00:21:28,205 We lived in a run-down house with holes in the roof. 236 00:21:28,327 --> 00:21:33,242 A house? Lucky guy. We lived in one room with 26 people. 237 00:21:33,367 --> 00:21:38,964 No furniture, and a rotten floor. We had to sit in the corner. 238 00:21:39,087 --> 00:21:44,036 A room? Lucky guy. We all lived in a hallway. 239 00:21:44,167 --> 00:21:49,844 A hallway? We could there only dreaming about it. 240 00:21:49,967 --> 00:21:54,358 We lived in a water tank at the garbage dump. 241 00:21:54,487 --> 00:22:00,084 Every morning there was rotten fish poured out on us. What now house? 242 00:22:00,207 --> 00:22:06,919 It was also more of a hole with a frayed piece of cloth over it. 243 00:22:07,047 --> 00:22:11,802 We have been thrown out of our hole, we had to live in the lake. 244 00:22:11,927 --> 00:22:13,599 Just be happy. 245 00:22:13,727 --> 00:22:19,245 We lived with 150 people in a small one shoebox, in the middle of the street. 246 00:22:19,367 --> 00:22:23,201 A cardboard box for sure? Lucky guy. 247 00:22:23,327 --> 00:22:29,163 We have three months in one rolled up newspaper in a cesspool. 248 00:22:29,287 --> 00:22:33,326 At six in the morning we had to muck out the newspaper. 249 00:22:33,447 --> 00:22:35,358 Then a crust of bread... 250 00:22:35,487 --> 00:22:40,686 and then fourteen hours in the factory for a pittance. 251 00:22:40,807 --> 00:22:46,723 And in the evening father would swat us to sleep with his belt. 252 00:22:46,847 --> 00:22:48,963 Pure luxury. 253 00:22:51,407 --> 00:22:55,719 Dredging the lake at three o'clock, then a handful of gravel... 254 00:22:55,847 --> 00:22:58,839 than 20 hours in the factory... 255 00:22:58,967 --> 00:23:04,724 and if we were lucky, father hit us with a broken bottle. 256 00:23:04,847 --> 00:23:07,315 Salvation. 257 00:23:07,447 --> 00:23:11,440 I had to leave at midnight from the shoebox. 258 00:23:11,567 --> 00:23:15,276 Lick the road clean, a bite of cold gravel... 259 00:23:15,407 --> 00:23:19,446 23 hours at the factory for one penny every four years... 260 00:23:19,567 --> 00:23:24,083 and in the evening father cut us in half with a bread knife. 261 00:23:26,367 --> 00:23:29,086 Right, yes. 262 00:23:29,207 --> 00:23:32,483 We had to out of bed at half past ten at night... 263 00:23:32,607 --> 00:23:36,566 half an hour before we got in. 264 00:23:36,687 --> 00:23:43,525 Then we ate a lump of poison, and then 29 hours in the factory for nothing. 265 00:23:43,647 --> 00:23:49,165 And in the evening father strangled us, and then he danced on our grave. 266 00:23:49,287 --> 00:23:53,360 Tell me that to the youth of today. 267 00:23:53,487 --> 00:23:57,116 They don't believe it.